I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He is an equal opportunity slut.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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