I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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