mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
