she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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