Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
