So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
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Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
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I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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