Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
