Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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