They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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