Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How does one acquire holy water?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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