Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
