i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
