I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
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Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
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She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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