you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
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i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
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The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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