Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
