I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
