Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
