I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my liver is dry heaving
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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