Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
