I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
