What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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