Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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