Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
