at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
