JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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