im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
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