My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the condom got lost in my hair
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My bed smells like the plague
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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