Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
