I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
