filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
