So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
