The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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