shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.