Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
