You can't motorboat a personality
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job