im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
