I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
