ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
