Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I supernannyed him into submission
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize