I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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