This is not my ceiling
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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