WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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