forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
