my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That's when you crack a 10am beer
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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