Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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