I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
