Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
