You're my little dorito
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
