I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
