i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
