One girl and one boy is just not enough.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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