He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
