then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
