so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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