He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
