Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
