Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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