it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
