My nipple is on Facebook.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
and she was petting her beer can
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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