I wanna bring you to show and tell
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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