we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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