My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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