One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I wear drunk well.
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